Reminiscence
by Tsuki no Lomelinde
Summary: Remus reflects on that fateful night and the events that follow it… Warning, mention of male pregnancy and slash!


                                                "Reminiscence" 

                                         By: Tsuki no Lomelinde

                        Disclaimer: As you are probably aware, I do not own any of the characters, if I did, certain people wouldn't have died…. Anyway, any insignificant characters that I may create belong to me.

Spoilers: Umm definite spoilers for the Sorcerers Stone and Prisoner of Azkaban, if you haven't read it then…. Well there's nothing I can really say except go and read it!!!!!

WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            This is a slash story, if this type of story doesn't float your boat; then don't read it and leave!!! You have been warned!!!!!!!!!! Also there is mention of male pregnancy, not too much; I think… anyway, I just thought that I should warn you. I am not to be held responsible if you read and don't like it. CAUSE I WARNED YOU!!!!!!!

            Summary: Remus reflects on that fateful night and the events that follow it….

            Remus sat by the window, it was a cold night, colder then it had been in a long time. He gazed at the stars, allowing his mind to drift; the last several years had been painful; James and Lily were dead, Peter was dead and Sirius… Sirius was the cause of all of this, _his_ lover, had killed three of their best friends, maybe not literally, but he had been the cause of their deaths.

            His thoughts unwillingly took him back to that fateful night...

            _"Where are you going?" Remus asked his lover as he watched Sirius, from his perch on a chair in their living room, book in hand._

_            "I'm going out for a while; I'll be back before midnight though, so don't worry." He replied distracted._

_            "Be careful…" Remus said, and watched the other man for a few moments before he diapparated, then Remus returned to his book, unaware of the horrors that were in store for the night.   _

_            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_            Remus ran, harder then he ever had, he had just received word that James and Lily had been attacked, he didn't know what sight would meet him when he arrived at their little home, but he knew that it wasn't going to be good._

_            Even though he had that bad feeling, he was unprepared for the sight that met his eyes, the proud little home, that had once been a symbol of a growing family, was in ruin. Remus fell to his knees, vomiting the contents of his stomach onto the burnt ground. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and stumbled forward, someone caught him by the shoulders with one large hand, he looked up, fearful for one moment, before he recognized Hagrid._

_            "Hagrid?" Remus asked._

_            The other shook his head, a baby wailed, and Remus looked up, only just realizing that Hagrid was holding a baby._

_            "I'm supposed to take'im to Dumbledore." Was all that he said, he crouched down so that Remus could see the baby.  Hagrid turned away and headed over to a motorbike._

_            "Is that Sirius' bike?" Remus asked, confused._

_            Hagrid nodded, "he lent it to me, so that I could get __Harry__ to Dumbledore faster, seeing as I'm not supposed to use magic." Hagrid mounted the bike._

_            "Where'd Sirius go then?" Remus asked worried for his lover's safety._

_            Hagrid shrugged, "not sure," and took of into the air on the bike, __Harry__ tucked safely in his arm. _

_            Remus had a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, something was wrong, why would Sirius leave? Where would he go?_

_Remus pulled out a piece of parchment that he had spelled, and had found quite useful over the years in locating the other marauders._

_            "Show me Sirius." He murmured, and immediately the blank parchment became a map of London, with a small glowing light on it._

_            "What is he doing there?" Remus murmured to himself before rolling the parchment up and dissaparating._

_            Remus found himself standing by a crater that had once been a street, people were wailing, the smell of death was strong, he pushed his way through the muggle police and medics, seeing flashes of the wizarding medics, and Aurors. He stopped at the second horrible sight that he would see that night. The Aurors were leading Sirius away, magically bound, and laughing hysterically. _

_            "What happened?" he said, turning to the nearest person, it was a woman, blood stained her robes, "That man just blew up the street, killed a bunch of people with a spell, some people are saying that he is a servant to You-know-who." She whispered._

_            Remus shook his head, unable to believe what was being said, before fleeing, the sound of Sirius' maniacal laughter echoing in his ears._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

            Remus shook his head, trying to dispel the memories that had assaulted him, the stars were twinkling; he could still pick out the same star that Sirius had showed him so long ago, the one that he had been named for. There was a dull ache in his stomach, probably because he hadn't bothered to eat dinner, but he remembered another pain that he had felt…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

            _Remus leaned over the toilet bowl, throwing up for what seemed like the thousandth time this morning, he couldn't seem to keep anything down lately, he rested his head for a moment on the cool porcelain of the toilet, maybe he was coming down with something, that wouldn't have surprised him, especially with everything that had happened in the last few weeks, with Peter, James and Lily dead, and Sirius in Azkaban… he leaned over the toilet, puking again._

_            Whenever he'd been sick, Sirius was always there for him to hold him or simply to raise his spirits when being sick got him down, but Sirius wasn't there anymore… no one would be there anymore, they were all gone._

_            Having finished throwing up, and made it to the kitchen for a cup of tea, a thought had occurred to Remus, but no… it couldn't be… could it? They'd always been careful…He knew that it was possible for werewolves of either gender to become pregnant… His thoughts took him back to a starlight picnic… Remus frowned, so maybe they hadn't been that careful… but still, he couldn't be pregnant… could he?_

_            A few hours later, found Remus Lupin sitting at the same kitchen table, sobbing into his hands, a wizarding pregnancy test sat on the table before him._

_            "This isn't how I pictured my life to be going, alone and pregnant… how cliché that sounds, but it's true that's how it is…what am I going to do?" he thought to himself. "I have to tell Sirius, it is his child…" Remus thought to himself, already dreading the thought of facing the man that he had once loved… 'And still do.' A malicious voice whispered to him._

_            "No, no I don't I can't love him, not after what he did." Remus whispered viciously to the voice, and stood up. He put his hand on his stomach, and gave a slight smile, "I'll do my best baby." He murmured, not sure whether he was trying to reassure himself or the tiny life that was growing within him._

_            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_            Remus shivered, as he walked past the Dementors of Azkaban, he could feel the coldness of them, it chilled him to his very soul, making him feel as if all of the joy in the world was being sucked out, he hurried past, he had been lucky to get in, not many people were allowed entrance to the prison, then again, not many people wanted to. Dumbledore had managed to get Remus in, after everything had been explained, Remus blushed at the very memory, that was not something he wanted to do again, it was one thing to have your old professor know about your love life, but an entirely different thing to have to tell him about it, and to explain that you were pregnant… So here he was following said former professor through the twisting halls of the prison, only kept from being lost by the guide that had been appointed to them, the guide stopped, and turned._

_            "Here it is; you have ten minutes, let us know if there's a problem." The guide said._

_            "Thank you." Dumbledore said in his usual manner and Remus followed with his quieter, meeker version._

_            "I will be over there if you need me Remus." Dumbledore said, and went off a bit further down the hall in order to give Remus some semblance of privacy._

_            "Sirius?" He said, peering into the darkness of the cell, seeing only a shadowed outline of the man, Sirius didn't respond._

_            Remus continued, tripping over his own words, "Sirius, I…I'm p...p... pregnant, with…with your child… I… I just thought that you should know…I'm gonna raise it on my own…" he trailed off, tears filling his eyes as he got no response from the man within the cell._

_            Remus turned away, unable to go on, he felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned to see Dumbledore, "We should go Remus." He said gently, and Remus allowed himself to be led away by his former professor._

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

_            "Perhaps we should go up and check on him?" a voice said from downstairs, Remus tried to ignore it, and remained where he was, lying on his bed._

_            Presently he heard footsteps on the stairs, and a head poked into his room._

_            Arthur and Molly Weasly shared a look, Remus had been holed up in his room for days, the member of the Order were worried for him, they had heard that his visit to Azkaban hadn't gone well, but that was all Dumbledore had told them._

_            So, that was the reason why all of the available members of the Order of the Phoenix, were crowded outside Remus' bedroom door._

_            "Remus? Are you alright?" Molly said, making her way into the room, the others stayed where they were, unsure if it was alright for them to go in, for all they knew it was only the mood swings that came with being pregnant, was all that was affecting Remus._

_            "You need to eat." Molly said gently, "you need to stay healthy for you and the baby."_

_            Remus gave an audible sob, and looked up at the woman, his eyes red from crying and his face splotchy._

_            "I'm not pregnant anymore…I miscarried." He whispered, his voice strained._

_Molly__ gathered the man into her arms, and held him as he sobbed; the members of the Order tactfully withdrew. _

Some thirteen years later or so….

            Sirius was preparing to escape; he had to, after he'd seen the picture in the paper… Peter as still alive, he had to stop him and get revenge, Peter had betrayed James and Lily, gotten Sirius locked up and Remus…. Sirius' thoughts returned to the day Remus had come to Azkaban with Dumbledore,

            He wondered how Remus was doing, how the baby was… well it wasn't a baby anymore, but, it was still an amazing thought, he had helped create a life.

            Sirius transformed, and managed to squeeze through the bars, quickly he fled. 

The end

            Well what did ya think? Any good? Let me know! This was the first Harry Potter fic I've ever written. This particular plot bunny has been rampaging around my head for a while, and it wouldn't leave me alone till I wrote it.

            Till next time!

            Tsuki no Lomelinde


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